


For the Last Time

by sseundalkhom



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Divorce, M/M, Sad Ending, Seoksoon Festival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 17:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: listen to A Sad Inflection by Kim Bumsoo or My Love by Lee Hi when you read this fic





	For the Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> listen to A Sad Inflection by Kim Bumsoo or My Love by Lee Hi when you read this fic

 

The shut of a door symbolized the start of the cold shoulders and a change in their love. Their nightly hugs slowly faded away much like the fog in the early morning that dimmed at a slow pace.

All the warmth they had ever shared became memories. Usual rants about daily life turned into silence, something they had now grown accustomed to. 

 

Laughter no longer filled the room. No more lame jokes that only they could understand and no more almost dying of laughter from said lame jokes. No more sweet whispers that lulled them to sleep at night.

 

Nights became gloomier day by day. Soonyoung took a deep breath before shutting the door. No one was waiting for him to come back, nor was he waiting for _him_. No more waiting to the point where others would be envious. It was all left in the past. 

 

“I’m home,” he said softly, dragging his feet and aimlessly walking inside his apartment. He missed _him_. Honestly _,_ he missed Seokmin so bad. He did not want to receive the silent treatment any longer -  he could no longer bear it. Although both of them behaved coldly, Soonyoung was breaking down on the inside.

 

He really needed his husband back. 

 

At least, for the last time. 

 

He mustered the courage to go to his bedroom and found no one inside. 

 

“I guess he is still out,” he mumbled. A tear rolled down freely from the corner of his eyes. His stomach suddenly grumbled. He cracked a smile to himself and swiftly moved to kitchen. He realized he had skipped both breakfast and lunch today. Lately his lack of motivation to eat was getting worse and he no longer felt hungry either. He was getting thinner and everyone was starting to notice. 

 

But tonight was different. His stomach was begging to be fueled up even though he did not want to eat. Perhaps eating noodles for dinner was not a bad idea. 

 

“Please don’t vomit this time,” he told himself, patting his stomach softly.

 

He silently cooked his meal and ate it alone. No slurping sounds came from his mouth. Only whining sounds and a grimace was worn as he struggled to eat. He encircled his free hand around his stomach in an attempt to hold out the pain. He gulped down some water and finished off his meal before immediately washing himself. 

 

However, he did vomit _again._ He grimaced and started to sob in silence. 

 

He _was_ in pain. 

 

* * *

 

It was like any other night with Seokmin. His husband had fallen asleep and was snoring. Meanwhile, Soonyoung still could not close his eyes. He surprisingly did not feel sleepy at all. He turned around to see his husband’s back and started to reminisce about all the things they had done together. Lately, they had been sleeping with their backs facing each other. Soonyoung missed how Seokmin would slowly stared into his eyes each night before he fell asleep. He missed being able to see the universe before he fell asleep. 

 

He carefully caressed Seokmin’s back. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. He tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to pour down his cheeks. He bit his lip, regretting those words he had spat out that day. 

 

_Seokmin shut the door and threw himself onto the sofa. Soonyoung was not in a good mood after his visit to the hospital. He wanted to, at the very least, receive a warm embrace from his husband to soothe him, however his husband only stared at the same wall blankly._

 

_“Give me a hug,” he blurted out._

 

_Seokmin did not turn to face him, yet he spoke with tension in his voice. “I’m tired, you know?”_

 

_Soonyoung bended closer towards him. “How would I know if you’re tired, it’s your body, not mine,” he retorted. Seokmin glared at him._

 

_“I’m not in a good mood, don’t make a fuss with me,” he said tautly. Soonyoung snorted._

 

_“So am I, just hug me.”_

 

_Seokmin shook his head no. “I don’t want to, I’m tired,” he stated firmly. After that he rose from his seat and headed to bedroom. Soonyoung gritted his teeth._

 

_“Don’t you know I’m tired too!? You know nothing about me, or about what I’ve learned today!” He shouted angrily. He clenched his fist as he threw a tantrum. He just wanted a hug from him, a hug to cease his worries about what he’d heard early that day._

 

_Seokmin sneaked a look from behind the door, “Yeah, I know nothing about you and…just don’t talk to me!”_

 

_The latter shut the door in fury. Soonyoung let out a tear._

 

_“Fine! I won’t talk to you!” He yelled back._

 

_No one knew, but starting that night everything changed. They had become strangers in their own home._

 

Soonyoung gulped in some air. He realized that everything had changed now and it was just too difficult for things to go back to normal. Seokmin had been giving him the cold shoulder lately and he did not know how to bring his Seokmin back. 

 

“I’m sorry…” he sobbed, “for everything.” 

 

He got up from the bed and ran to bathroom. He vomited again. He stared at the white floor which was now covered in red. Blood splattered as he kept vomiting. 

 

When he was done ejecting blood from his mouth, he instantly cleaned it. He could not let Seokmin know everything he had been suffering through. _He could not._ He sat down on the cold floor afterwards. His mind went blank as he felt a non-stop pain clenching inside him, but he ignored it. Everything gradually became numb to him. 

 

He rose and aimlessly started wandering around his apartment. He caught a glimpse of Seokmin and stepped closer to him before continuing his roaming. 

 

He carefully planted a chaste kiss on his forehead. “I love you, my husband…” he whispered and left. 

 

But something stopped him. Something caught his eyes. A familiar document that scared him to death besides his examination result. He slowly went to look at it.

 

It was clearly written on it, _his name_ along with his husband’s name, Lee Seokmin, on a divorce application. He had never requested for it before. **Never.** But it seemed like Seokmin made it without him knowing, and it broke his heart into pieces. He never imagined having a tragedy like this in his life. His husband was secretly proposing a divorce. 

 

Then again, his husband had not sign it yet. Soonyoung sniffled. He put the paper back beneath the rack. 

 

-

 

He stared blankly at his mug. Seokmin sat across him, eating his breakfast. Thankfully, both of them were off from work today. 

 

“I will sign the paper,” he uttered. Seokmin glanced at him. 

 

“What paper?” 

 

“The divorce proposal.” 

 

Seokmin froze at the statement. He stopped dipping his spoon into his soup. “How—”

 

“I found it.” His stare was like the void. Seokmin found nothing through it. He had expected fury and Soonyoung to fight against his idea, but no. It was beyond his expectation. 

 

“With one condition…” He looked straight into Seokmin’s eyes, “give me your time tomorrow…just for us, no going out.” 

 

Soonyoung cracked a bitter smile. He felt numb but bitterness lingered on his lips and his throat. The idea was suffocating him but not quite yet to the point of dying. He was simply despondent. He was depressed from keeping his illness a secret as well as wondering why Seokmin wanted to divorce him. He was unable to figure it out and there was no answer that was enough to tell him why reality could be so unfair. 

 

“It’s okay if you can’t-”

 

“I will,” Seokmin cut him off. He gave a quick bob of his head and small smile. 

 

“Can I ask for one more thing?” He titled his head to the side, trying to guess what his husband would answer. Meanwhile, Seokmin did what he did a second before, titling his head to the other side. 

 

“What is it?” 

 

“Help me pack my stuff. It’s your apartment and once we’re officially divorced, I have to move out,” he said hesitantly. He bit his lower lips, being careful of his words. On the other side, Seokmin never imagined his idea would hurt himself. Moreover, when Soonyoung brought it up, the pain doubled when he sensed that Soonyoung did not want to leave his side, but he also did not want to put up a fight against him.

 

Seokmin nodded his head right away. His heart clenched hard as he saw a glimpse of bitterness in his eyes. He had hurt him again. 

 

After that, they continued to eat their meal in silence. 

 

Seokmin’s eyes trailed across Soonyoung. He gulped when he noticed how thin his lover had become and he internally hit himself for not realizing earlier. Seokmin wondered if Soonyoung ate properly or not, if he got enough rest or not. He wondered how the latter would continue his life without Seokmin, whether he would get even thinner. He felt guilty somehow. 

 

“Did you eat well?” he asked suddenly. Soonyoung looked up in surprise but he nodded slightly in response. 

 

“Yup,” he lied. He did not want to worry him, though Seokmin was probably no longer worried about him anyways. All the worries they had lived in the past, just like the warmth they once shared. 

 

He just did not want to look miserable after all the nights of cold shoulders they gave each other. 

 

He did not want to look miserable after knowing Seokmin would divorce him in the end. 

 

He just wanted to be at ease even though it was hard for him. 

 

Seokmin’s heart was devastated at his answer as he knew that Soonyoung just lied to him. Perhaps Soonyoung didn’t want to burden him with his problem, but it pained him. They seemed willing to fix everything but it seemed that it was too late to bring back the passionate love they once had.

 

Seokmin did not question Soonyoung any further asides from helping him pack and move back to his former living place. He knew it might be hard for Soonyoung but he could no longer help him. He had became estranged from his spouse. 

 

≢

 

Both of them were tired from moving Soonyoung’s things. They never realized that they would have to face this when they drifted off to their own paths, especially Seokmin. Even though he was the one who brought the paper and had the idea of divorce, he was the one who was still in a daze. 

 

Seokmin pulled Soonyoung towards him suddenly. 

 

“W-what?” Soonyoung stuttered. 

 

The latter gave no answer, instead, burying his face against Soonyoung’s neck and inhaling his smell.

 

 “I’m sorry…” 

 

“F-for w-what?” 

 

“Everything…” His words were stuck on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to tell him how lacking he was as his husband. He wanted to tell him how he did not want this divorce, but because they were basically like strangers now, he thought it was the best thing to do. 

 

“It’s not your fault.” Soonyoung was unsure about his words. He might throw something at him again - but he could not do it. It happened because of that quarrel. They should have fixed it so that this never would have occurred. They should have chosen another option instead of giving each other a cold shoulder. 

 

The worse part was that Soonyoung let it happen. He knew that he was dying and the last thing he wanted was to continue his life without Seokmin. He knew that the best place was always by Seokmin’s side and no one else could replace that space within him. He wanted to be with him once last time before his entire world shut down. 

 

Before he faced his end. 

 

Both of them remained silent and eventually Seokmin fell asleep while hugging Soonyoung, the latter also fast asleep in Seokmin’s embrace. 

 

-

 

Morning came. Birds were singing outside and sunshine sneaked through the curtains, lighting up the room. The two men were still in a deep slumber and embraced in each other’s arms despite the fact that it was the day Soonyoung had requested of Seokmin. The larger male pulled his spouse to get closer to him, tightly embracing him as if he did not want to let him out of his grip. He smiled, seeming to be in a good mood.

 

“It’s morning,” he mumbled softly near Soonyoung’s ear. 

 

The latter nodded lazily. “I’m sleepy,” he yawned. Seokmin chuckled and pecked his cheek. 

 

“Then sleep. I’m here, don’t worry,” he patted his back gently. Soonyoung snuggled into his chest. He would miss this warmth. _He would._ But more than that, he would miss Seokmin. He would no longer be able to see the latter. They would never see each other again. Seokmin would continue on living alone, without Soonyoung by his side. 

 

“Baby…” Seokmin greeted hesitantly. He knew what they should do today but he was reluctant to say it. Perhaps things were just too awkward between them. 

 

Soonyoung’s heart almost fluttered when he heard Seokmin call him that. He noticed how awkward it was when the latter called him that even though they had called each other ‘baby’ in the past. 

 

“Baby…” Seokmin called again. 

 

Soonyoung hummed. Suddenly Seokmin planted another kiss on his temple and pulled away as he wanted to see Soonyoung’s sleeping face. He traced every part of him. He wanted to cherish the most precious gift he had ever received in his life. 

 

Soonyoung was too beautiful for him and he had ruined that piece of art. Seokmin noticed some tear-stains at the corner of his eyes. He kissed away the tears, wanting to erase the stains. 

 

He got up from the bed, letting Soonyoung continue sleeping. 

 

On the other side, Soonyoung secretly cried inside. He yelped in pain. He knew it would not last much longer. His deadline was nearing. He still yearned for Seokmin’s touch, no matter how rough or gentle it was, he yearned for it. He wanted to fill himself with his love, or what was left of it _._ He gripped the rim of his sweater hard. He was suffering from his illness. It was as if the illness only attacked him when he was out of Seokmin’s warmth. It was if when Seokmin was not there to protect him, the illness would come and brutally hurt him inside. 

 

He stole glances at Seokmin whenever he came in and out of the room they shared together. He wanted to shout at him to hug him again but he was not brave enough to do so. He ended up unconscious from the torment until Seokmin woke him up gently. 

 

“Sweetheart…wake up,” he called. His heart beat became faster and he gave a concerned look at him. Seokmin caressed his cheek and moved him to a more comfortable position on his lap. He held Soonyoung’s hand with an uneasy feeling. His spouse was not fine but he could not figure out why.

 

“Lee Soonyoung…” he called him again. 

 

Soonyoung opened his eyes and stared into the eyes the he missed so much. “Seokmin…” 

 

The latter instantly hugged him tightly. He felt relieved when Soonyoung woke up and found himself staring at his eyes. He was glad. 

 

“You scared me,” he commented, gently rubbing his back. Soonyoung caressed him back. 

 

“Sorry,” he said weakly and pulled away. Seokmin cracked a smile. “It’s okay, just don’t do it again.” 

 

His heart sank. He pondered for a while after hearing those words from him. He knew he should not expect too much from him, but he could not help himself because as he stared into his eyes, he saw how worried Seokmin was. 

 

“I cooked your favorite meal,” he remarked. Soonyoung smiled as Seokmin lifted him up bridal style. 

 

It was like the first month of their wedding life. It was a new phase in their life when they first got married. Seokmin would cook everything Soonyoung wanted for the both of them. Seokmin would always be the best husband he could ever have. 

 

Everyone would always be envious of their married life. Seokmin would always treat him like a princess even though he was physically a man. Seokmin was a sweet person who always treated him as if he was a princess from a famous royal family. He always asked why, but the answer was always the same. 

 

_“Because I love you for who you are, Soonyoung,” he said truthfully._

 

He smiled when Seokmin sat him on the sofa while he sat beside him. “I will feed you,” he said. 

 

Soonyoung missed this affection. He had been fed by his best friend, Jihoon and his spouse, Seungcheol when he took a week to rest at the hospital. That was actually time when Seokmin thought he was just facing a hectic week at his office. This was the care he wanted from his husband. To take care of him when he got sick like right now. 

 

“Soonyoung, open your mouth,” he commanded. The latter obeyed and ate it slowly. He had to be careful because he didn’t want to reveal his illness to him. 

 

Seokmin kept feeding him although he noticed the last spoon made Soonyoung twitch his lips downward, as if he felt nauseous. 

 

After he finished his meal, Soonyoung muttered a ‘thank you’ before leaving to go to the bathroom. Seokmin sensed that something was off with the way he was acting. It was definitely unlike Soonyoung, but he didn’t want to bother him by following him to bathroom, so he remained in the kitchen instead. After he finished up in the kitchen, he waited for him inside the bedroom. He was curious but he heard nothing from the bathroom. It seemed that Soonyoung really was just taking a shower. 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

They cuddled on the sofa in front of the TV. They intended to kill time by watching some dramas and cartoons they liked. It was the best day for Seokmin to recall a moment where they were not kidnapped by their own jobs, which led to them drifting apart from each another. They were able to laugh a lot together. 

 

It happened as if they were an ordinary couple, but inside, they were breaking into pieces, recalling past memories. They were hurting, recalling every touch between them. They were longing for it but they were too cowardly in touching each other. There was no sexual tension between them because every second they spent together before was just pure and innocent love. Remembering all the stolen kisses Seokmin took before, he tried to do again, but they were chaste and too different. It was if he had lost the feeling for it.

 

“You can stop kissing me if you feel awkward doing it,” Soonyoung uttered suddenly, his eyes still looking at the screen. But Seokmin noticed that he was biting his lips as if he was forcing himself to say it. He knew Seokmin too well that he didn’t even recognize it himself.

 

Seokmin loosened up his grip around Soonyoung. His words were right. However he turned Soonyoung to face him. He took the remote to turn off the TV, silence abruptly fell upon them. They both stared into each other’s eyes. 

 

“What?” the latter questioned. It was not the right time for arguing but he wanted to know what was inside his husband's mind. 

 

All of a sudden, Seokmin kissed him on the lips and pulled him into a tight embrace. Soonyoung was shocked and he tried to pull away but the lingering kiss on his lips was luring him in. He punched Seokmin in the chest, yet a second later his fist lost the power to go against him. Slowly he fell into a trap - no, he fell into Seokmin’s touch. His body was weak towards his touches no matter how much he tried to resist him. His body knew it too well and he let himself fall deeper into his trap.

 

The kiss slowly got deeper and it was far from the chaste one he tasted before. They gradually needed to fill their lungs with air but they did not want to be separated for even one second. Seokmin finally pulled away first and embraced him warmly. He bent down and rested his chin against his shoulder. 

 

“I missed you,” he voiced. 

 

Soonyoung didn't know how to react. Between disbelieving the words and gulping down his words, he was hurting himself for imagining that the words could be true. He gave no answer and remained silent. 

 

It felt _unreal_ to his ears. 

 

Even so, he curled further into Seokmin, resting his head against his chest. They breathed slowly until two of them could only hear each other’s heartbeat and the ticking of the clock. As this would not likely occur again, they held the moment dearly. Seokmin took his fingers and entwined them around his lover’s hands. 

 

It was the warmth they used to have back then, but it would never come again if they kept ignoring each other. 

 

Soonyoung fell asleep once more in his sleep and he never wanted to wake up again, because in Seokmin’s embrace, he found no pain. 

 

In his embrace, he found no worries of his illness. 

 

In his embrace, he found his home - a place he wanted before everything was taken away from him. 

 

Seokmin stroked his hair gently. He felt guilty for bringing the papers home. He should have thought more about the separation. He should’ve thought about himself - if only he could be selfish, but he was the one who proposed him and yet he was also the one who wanted to end it. 

 

He tightened his grip around Soonyoung, he wanted to start fresh and rip the papers apart. He wanted it so badly. Somehow having Soonyoung in his arms was a way to dismiss all the thoughts and concerns that haunted him. He should’ve hugged him earlier before everything seemed so foreign. 

 

Time was ticking and night slowly came without them knowing. Soonyoung still had not woken up from his deep slumber. Seokmin fell asleep as well and he did not have the will to wake up from his doze. However, he still held Soonyoung in his embrace and was far from getting tired of it. 

 

It felt nice, watching Soonyoung slumbering peacefully, but Seokmin suddenly moved. He lifted up the other and headed back to their bedroom. He put him down on their bed and then laid down beside him, enveloping him with a blanket and a bear hug. It seemed that Soonyoung was getting colder and he didn’t want to let him feel coldness anymore. 

 

Without him knowing, Soonyoung passed away in his embrace. 

 

끝


End file.
